A Bedtime Story by Botan
by PhoenixFire Lia
Summary: Botan gets suckered into telling a bedtime story to an insomniac ferry-girl...a really odd story starring our favorite Reikai Tantei members. Let's put it this way: this isn't Hansel and Gretel.


A Bedtime Story by Botan

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Yu Hakusho…or much else for that matter. But Himawari is my own character, as are any other ferry-girls that get mentioned that aren't named in the show.

Main Pairing: My personal favorite, Hiei x Kurama. Seme/uke isn't important, feel free to flop that around at your own discretion. 

Secondary Pairings: Yusuke x Keiko, Kuwabara x Yukina

Rating: PG-13…because demons curse, even in bedtime stories. And there's blood.  

Summary: Botan gets roped into telling one of the youngest ferry-girl recruits a bedtime story. One very odd bedtime story involving the Reikai Tantei team. Let's put it this way, kids, this isn't a nice recitation of Hansel and Gretel. 

Notes: I was going to write this dark and broody fic about some fictional kid brother of Karasu's exacting his revenge on Kurama, but I just couldn't do it. I've got too big of a soft spot for that crazy fox and his vertically challenged pal Hiei. So my sleep-deprived and overworked mind concocted this little acid trip. Interruptions to the story will be denoted by parentheses and italics. 

++

            Botan was very proud of her position, being the first class Reikai ferry-girl. She was respected by her peers, lauded by her boss…and then put into the most unusual of circumstances and given no way to weasel her way out of them. Oh, she didn't mind some of the stuff Koenma 'volunteered' her for, especially going on cases with his much doted-upon Reikai Tantei Yusuke…ferrying souls across the River Styx could get rather boring at times. It was the _other _tasks that irked her on occasion. 

            "I've got a little job for you, Botan," Koenma declared, leaning over his desk. "That new ferry-girl hasn't been sleeping well lately, I was wondering if you could go tell her a bedtime story or something."

The blue-haired girl's jaw hit the floor. "Pardon me, Lord Koenma, sir?" 

            "You heard what I said. Go tell the kid a bedtime story."

            "Can't Sayaka do it? Or Hinageshi? They at least like children," Botan pointed out. 

Koenma shook his head. "I can't spare either, they're on assignment right now. You're the head ferry-girl; it's your responsibility to look out for the others. Now hop to!"

Botan pulled her oar out from her billowy sleeve, slinging the paddle over her shoulder as she marched out of Koenma's office.

            "Don't see why we can't give the little brat some Unisom or something," she grumbled. 

            "And no complaining!" the childlike Reikai lord called after her. 

++

            Himawari was sitting in bed, brushing her hair out…hair that was such a bright shade of Big Bird yellow she could probably bring down planes with it. The girl wasn't much older than seven or eight, very young to be a Reikai oarswoman, but when one thinks about the fact that everyone in the Reikai takes orders from a god with a pacifier still in his mouth, it's not so unusual. Botan stormed into the bunkhouse, slamming the door shut as she passed. 

            "All right, which one of you is the insomniac?" she bellowed. 

Himawari swiveled her big brown eyes up at her. "Me, Miss Botan, ma'am."

The blue-haired girl would've given the kid a death-glare to rival one of Hiei's, but the little ferry pilot was too cute. Instead, she settled for a slightly peevish Kurama-first-thing-in-the-morning glare. 

            "So you're the pipsqueak that made me get up from my computer? I was in the middle of doing some important work, you know," she stated matter-of-factly. 

Another of the girls, Sumire, laughed. "You were not, Botan! You were reading ningen Internet comics again."

            "Shut up, you!" 

Himawari put her brush down, pulling her covers up to her chin. "Miss Botan? I'm ready for my story now."

Botan grimaced, not in front of the little girl obviously, but so that the other half-dozen or so ferry girls could see. What was she supposed to tell the recruit? Another dry tale of charming princes and happily ever afters? One of those awful ningen-contrived stories? Actually…that wasn't a half bad idea, come to think of it. She plastered one of her biggest, cheesiest grins onto her face and clapped her hands together. 

            "I'm going to tell you a lovely fairy tale…" her expression darkened instantly. "And you're not going to complain or I'm just gonna give you warm milk and tell you to suck it up."

Himawari nodded. "Yes Miss Botan."

            "All right then…once upon a time…"

            "What's 'once upon a time' mean?" the girl interrupted. 

Botan glared. "Don't interrupt me! It's a phrase that ningen storytellers put at the beginning of every fairy tale. Jeez, what kind of deprived kid doesn't know that? Anyways, once upon a time…"

++

            Once upon a time, in a woodsy kingdom of the Makai, there lived a very handsome and very charming prince by the name of Kurama. Yes, he was quite a good-looking fellow, with long red hair and the prettiest green eyes, but he was also incredibly kind and compassionate towards all the demons that lived there, both in and out of his kingdom. 

            However, there was a problem. Actually, there were several problems, several very big problems. One of the biggest problems was that the prince had yet to find a very lovely princess to rescue…either from crazy businessmen who like to exploit their koorime powers or from other demons that like making princes like Kurama suffer. Oh, he went on a few dates with some of the very lovely and eligible bachelorettes, including the ladies Koto and Juri and a particularly unusual Healer called Ruka, but not a single one of them really sparked his interests. Quite frankly, a lot of the prince's courtiers were worried that their beloved prince might swing to the left. 

_("What's that mean?" Himawari asked._

_"That he's gay."_

_"You can't have a gay prince, that's just wrong!"_

_"I said he _might_ be. I didn't say he was. Now shut up.")_

So the prince was a bit too swishy for everyone else's tastes, not such a big deal. After all, this is the twenty-first century, we can get hip with the times, right? Right! 

            The other problem was the wicked witch living in the general vicinity. This was a horrible, terrible, downright mean witch who loved to pick fights with everyone and make their lives miserable. In fact, this monstrous witch was devising a way to torment the prince. One day, the witch, dressed in a baggy green ningen junior high school uniform and a black Halloween witch's hat perched on top of his overly greased-up head…

_("Are you trying to tell me that the witch is Yusuke Urameshi, the Reikai Tantei?"_

_"Of course Yusuke's the witch! I mean, he has no manners; he's not handsome or charming. Kurama makes a much better prince. Now will you stop interrupting?!")_

 The witch Yusuke spat on the ground, bending the brim of his hat lower over his eyes. 

            "Don't see how come friggin' Kurama gets to be the prince. He's not that charming either!" he bellowed. "I mean, did you _see _how he beat the shit out of Genbu with a twig? A _twig, _for Crissakes!"

Obviously, Yusuke is very jealous of the fair and lovely Prince Kurama. As he should be. 

            "Hey now, wait a goddamn minute. If Kurama's the prince, then what's stopping Keiko from being the princess? Oh man, if Kurama messes with _my _girl…well, she's not exactly my _girl _per se, but…if Kurama goes anywhere near Keiko he's meat on a stick!"

Yusuke was troubled, and needed to come up with a good plan to keep Kurama away from Keiko…though the redhead prince probably wouldn't go near Yusuke's "girl" anyways. But since the plot demands it, the witch decided to seek counsel from the great evil swordsman Kuwabara. 

++

            "_WHAT?! _That wimp's the prince?" the vociferous carrot-top hollered. "If he's the prince, what's stopping him from running off with Yukina?! And then he'll go after our turf, and we'll be out on our asses! We gotta do something, Urameshi!"

Yusuke glared at him from underneath the hat. "That's why I came to you, idiot."

            "Oh yeah. And what's with the stupid-looking hat?" 

            "I'M THE WITCH, YOU DOLT!" 

Kuwabara nodded, as if he were trying to look intelligent and knew all along that Yusuke was indeed the wicked witch of the story. "So…we gotta stop Kurama from stealing our girls and our turf, huh?"

            "Yeah. Why don't we just go give him a thorough walloping?"

            "Nah, he's got all those creepy plants of his. You think we could just send a demon instead? Maybe if you summoned up something wicked powerful and scary, he'll leave the girls alone," the 'great' swordsman suggested. 

Yusuke blinked. "Kuwabara, that was the most intelligent thing I think has ever come out of your mouth. We'll summon up a demon, all right, my best one."

            The great witch Yusuke picked up his Book of Summons…which was really just a copy of the Makai Phone Directory…and called upon one of the most fearful, terrifying creatures to ever walk the surface of the Demon World. 

            _("It wasn't that Karasu guy you were telling Yuri about, was it?" Himawari asked. _

_            "No, he's far too frightening for a children's tale. I'm not _that _heartless.")_

Yusuke clapped his hands together. "Well, that does it, I've summoned him. Hiei's supposed to be back here in half an hour or the torture's free."

            "I thought that only worked for pizza," Kuwabara frowned. "And this better work, Urameshi, or I'm gonna kick your ass!"

++

            The horrible fire demon Hiei was waiting just outside the castle. He was a fearsome thing, dressed all in black, sword in hand, glaring at everyone with the spookiest red eyes. Then again, he could've been more threatening if he wasn't five feet tall. He was actually kinda cute. He leapt up to the nearest open window and jumped in, waving his sword. 

            "I'm here to kill you, Prince Kurama!" 

Kurama turned around, smiling very nicely. "Oh, hello. You can certainly try and kill me, if you like, but can it wait until after I've had tea? Would you care to join me?"

            "The fire demon Hiei does _not _sit down to tea! This is an insult! I demand you fight me!"

            "You can demand all you like, I'm not fighting you right now." He turned and picked up a teacup, stirring his tea idly while still making conversation. "I take it that the witch Yusuke sent you, and I have to give him credit. I didn't think he'd actually progress further than the cherry bombs in the mailbox and the three thousand Makai crickets he let loose in the castle."

Hiei shook his head. "Urameshi is an idiot, and his flunkey Kuwabara isn't much better."

            "You sure I can't offer you something?" 

            "The fire demon Hiei does not sit down to tea and crumpets, you stupid prince! He lays waste to villages, sacks and plunders, and does not give a shit!" 

Kurama smirked. "The fire demon Hiei also speaks in the third person."

            Hiei glared at the youko prince irately. How was it that the stupid half-fox wasn't afraid of him? He, the Forbidden One, the number two demon on the Makai Top 100 Scariest Demons of All Time (Karasu being number one because, y'know, he's psychotic), and the bane of all the Ningenkai, ninety-two percent of the Reikai, and a good fifty-seven percent of the Makai. He was the prince of freaking darkness, for Crissakes! And this dopey redhead prince with his big girly green eyes and his swishy robes and his freaking rose scent could care less that he was standing here, waving a sword and threatening to blast him to oblivion! 

            "You infuriate me, you stupid fox," he grumbled, sitting down on the windowsill. 

Kurama simply smiled. "I'm glad. Now, if you're through trying to kill me…"

            "I'll never be through trying to kill you! My orders were to puree you and drink your innards with a plastic bendy straw!" 

            "All right," the green-eyed boy acquiesced. "But can you kill me tomorrow? I want to be able to spend tonight saying my goodbyes and setting my affairs in order. There are plenty of places you can stay in until then."

Hiei reluctantly agreed, and stalked off to claim a guest room. He grabbed a crumpet off of the tea table on his way out the door, and gave one final retreating glare to the kindly prince. 

            "Good night, you stupid fox. Make no mistake, I kill you tomorrow."

++

            Well, this went on for several weeks. Every day Hiei would come to kill Kurama, and every day Kurama would simply brush him off, finding some way to live for another twenty-four hours. Hiei would follow him around all day, sputtering death threats that went unheard. And at the end of each day, as Hiei left Kurama's side for the evening, he would say the same thing. 

            "Good night, you stupid fox. Make no mistake, I kill you tomorrow."

As the days progressed, Hiei actually found the prince's company tolerable. He couldn't believe that he was actually _anticipating _the next time he could come and threaten the boy's life. He would watch those soft, delicate hands pick up a dagger, testing the weight against his palms, as if he was prepared to defend himself. He watched as those ivy-green eyes flashed whenever the door opened and the youkai stepped in, lighting briefly. Hiei was infuriated, he was insulted, he was…in love. 

            Kurama too found that each day's threat on his life was thrilling, far more exciting than the tedium of being the fabulous youko prince. And, he had to admit; the little black-clad demon _was _rather cute. He enjoyed the game that they were playing, and wondered what would happen when it finally had to end. 

            _("Miss Botan, what kind of fairy tale _is _this?"_

_"One that's actually very close to the truth. Now unless you want me to stop telling the story and just get you some Tylenol PM, I suggest you shut your trap, kid.")_

And then one day, Hiei came to kill Kurama as usual, sword in hand; eyes their usual chilled blood color. The prince was standing beside his desk, toying with a vase of roses the same shade of crimson. 

            "Hello, Hiei. Is today the day I die?"

The fire demon raised his sword, prepared to deal the fatal blow. "Yes, today you die, fox."

He stepped forward, Kurama not even trying to fight back. The green-eyed youko simply stared at him, expressionless, unmoving. Hiei took no more than two steps before his katana clattered to the ground. He dropped to his knees. 

            "What have you done to me?" he gasped. "Why? Why can't I kill you?" 

Kurama said nothing, still just staring at the trembling half-koorime on his carpet. 

            "Have I gone soft? Why won't you _die, _you stupid, stupid fox?!" he wailed. 

Kurama picked up the katana, testing the weight on his palms before setting the tip of the blade against his chest. "If you truly wish for me to die, I will. You can tell Yusuke that you killed me, if you like."

Hiei suddenly couldn't breathe. Kurama's grip on the hilt tightened as he prepared to thrust the sword into his heart. 

            "Kurama, _don't!" _

His hands clamped down over his mouth, but it was too late, the words were already spoken.

The fiery kitsune dropped the katana onto the rug. "Why not? You said you were going to string a tennis racket with my insides, make harp strings from my hair. Why now, after all of this, do you want me to live, Great Fire Demon Hiei?"

            "I don't know…" he muttered, ashamed. 

Kurama smiled. "Well, in that case, I love you too, Hiei."

++

            Meanwhile, in Kuwabara's cave hideout…

            "Hiei's not coming back, is he, Urameshi?" the carrot-top swordsman sighed. 

The dastardly witch Yusuke spat on the ground. "No, he's not. I'll bet that bastard Kurama is using his innards to string a tennis racket. Maybe he's pureed Hiei and sucked him up through a plastic bendy straw."

Kuwabara scratched the back of his head. "So what do we do now?"

            "Does it look like I know?!" Yusuke hollered. "Hiei was our best plan, and that son-of-a-bitch offed him!" 

            "We could ask Eikichi."

The Reikai Tantei-turned witch gave his partner-in-crime an incredulous look. "Ask your _kitten?_"

Kuwabara nodded, whipping out the small calico cat. "Eikichi is the official witch cat, she'll know what to do. Go on, Eikichi, show Urameshi here what I'm talking about."

The felonious feline took off like a shot, darting into the interior of the cave and returning moments later with a small pouch in her mouth. Kuwabara flashed the victory sign. 

            "See? I told ya Eikichi would come through for us!"

Yusuke blinked. "Wow, Kuwabara, you're batting two for two. I think this might be a record. Now as long as the cat didn't bring back a squeaky mouse, we'll be in business."

Kuwabara opened the velvet drawstring bag, tipping a handful of obsidian pins into his palm, each one dagger-sharp and as long as a koorime-maiden's little finger. 

            "Makai Pins. You stick them in right here, behind the ear," Kuwabara pressed his index finger in the little hollow where jawbone met skull, "and it does something pretty nasty to the victim. Forget what, though. Aw, who cares? It'll get that stupid Kurama off Yukina…or Keiko."

Yusuke nodded, impressed with Kuwabara. "Okay, so just how do we get the pin stuck in his head? We can't exactly walk up to him and say, 'hey Kurama, lemme see your neck a minute,' now can we?"

            "Well…" Kuwabara said, biting his lip in concentration. "Maybe Shizuru can do it."

            "Your sister," Yusuke deadpanned. "Just how the hell is your sister going to get close enough to Kurama to jab him with a pin? Let alone get near the castle!"

The carrot-topped swordsman grinned, flicking his thumb against the side of his nose. "We tell him she's a suitor."

            "A what?" 

            "It's like one of those Who Wants to Marry a Really Rich Guy shows. Only, y'know, without annoying host guys or commercial breaks or that kinda stuff. Whaddya think, Urameshi? It's not like we've got anything to lose now that Hiei's kicked it."

Yusuke frowned. "You're just on fire lately, Kuwabara. Any more bright ideas and I'll be able to light up half of Tokyo from your noggin alone."

Kuwabara laughed, tossing the bag of pins into the air and catching it. "Yeah!"

++

            And so the fierce warrior girl Shizuru, for lack of better things to do and for the free buffet, traveled to the castle of the handsome and charming youko prince to seek his hand. Now technically, he should be going out and seeking her hand, but Shizuru isn't one of those girls who's going to wait around for a prince to come along and turn her head. That, and we've already established that Kurama is not your conventional prince. 

            There was only one problem to this plan, and that was the fact that the prince didn't really want to see any more suitors. He was perfectly happy with Hiei…even if the fire demon hadn't professed his love and continued to believe that he would, in fact, kill the fox at some point. However, not even this could dissuade the intrepid Shizuru from her appointed task. She was well aware that her real task was to jab one of those magic pins into his neck, and she was kind of skeptical as to the usefulness of such a task, but it was something to do and it would get Kuwabara off her case. 

            "It's quite nice of you to come, Miss…um…" Kurama trailed off, looking evidently bored as he lounged in a relatively more comfortable position on his throne. Someday he'd exchange the stupid gilded chair for a La-Z-Boy recliner, but that would have to wait. 

            "Kuwabara Shizuru, Warrior Princess," she informed him emotionlessly, lighting up a cigarette. "And you're this Prince Kurama everyone's telling me about? No offense, but you're not exactly Grade A handsome prince material. You're cute, I'll give you that, but…"

Kurama shrugged. "I'm just a slave to the system."

            At this point Hiei stormed in, looking for all the world like he would finally do his appointed task and ream the young prince. Instead, he flopped down in the throne beside him, a throne that was supposed to be reserved for said prince's future bride, and scowled despondently. 

            "That Cyclops from the village over is threatening to destroy your farmlands again," he reported. Kurama sighed. 

            "Mukuro just doesn't know when to quit. Did you try sending her a tribute?"

Hiei shrugged. "Some exports, a few choice servants, the usual. She didn't receive them well."

Kurama sighed again, shaking his head. "Honestly. All right then, you can take a regiment and smite her at your convenience. But try not to kill her, she does keep that nasty Yomi off my back, and I do appreciate that."

Shizuru took a long drag from her cigarette, blowing the smoke to wreath her head like a thick gray garland.

            "Hey, aren't you my brother and his stupid friend's demon?" she asked. 

Hiei growled. "I am not some ningen's pet."

Kurama chuckled, stretching his arms over his head lazily. "No, but you botched your assignment and now you're my personal adviser and bodyguard. Ironic, isn't it, Hiei?"

            "Ironic? Oh, it's ironic, all right. Your own bodyguard doing you in."

            "One of these days, you're going to admit you love me, Hiei," he replied, leaning over and gently kissing the fire demon's cheek. Hiei grimaced and scrubbed at his skin, as if the gesture would give him some life-threatening disease. Shizuru stamped out her cigarette. 

            "Wait, are you telling me you're gay?"

            "Bisexual, actually. I'm sorry that you had to come all of this way, but I'm really not interested in finding a suitor anymore. It's not direly important that I marry a princess any time soon anyways, you know," Kurama said genially. "But I'll gladly compensate you to make up for the time wasted."

Shizuru shrugged. "Eh, s'okay. Just give me a couple of days to rest up and I'll be gone. I've got kingdoms to save from vengeful goddesses and spiteful monsters anyways, not to mention the fact that I've been trying to lose this ditzy blonde lesbian who swears she's my sidekick."

            _("I don't get it."_

_            "It's a reference made to this old American show called _Xena._")_

            "Stay as long as you like."

The warrior woman excused herself, Hiei staring at her retreating form dourly. 

            "I don't like her, Kurama. I don't trust her at all. She's come from Yusuke and Kuwabara, no doubt she has brought with her some of their ill tidings."

The green-eyed youko smiled. "Come now, Hiei, I'm sure everything is fine. You worry too much is all. Shizuru promised she was only staying for a little while, we should make her welcome during her stay. At least try not to threaten her life, please."

            "Stupid fox," the fire demon groused. Kurama kissed him again, getting up and wandering off to do whatever sort of thing handsome and charming princes do when they're not occupied with some important task or quest or audience. Hiei watched him leave as well, the same sour expression on his face. Something just didn't settle right with him, and as much as it pained him to admit it, he feared for the prince's life. 

_            ("Kurama isn't going to _die, _is he?"_

_            "Probably not. He's a very resourceful demon and he hasn't died yet."_

_            "Hiei isn't even going to kill him?"_

_"Are you dense? Haven't you been paying attention? That's just his way of saying he likes Kurama! Jeez, kids today. All they understand is their PS2 and their TRL.")_

++

            Shizuru crept into the prince's bedroom late that evening, after she was dead certain he'd gone to bed. It hadn't been that difficult getting into the room, it was surprisingly minimally guarded for the Crown Prince's boudoir. At any rate, she snuck in, walking right up to his bed. The redheaded prince was sprawled across the mattress, sheets at an odd angle, pillows thrown askew. And his neck happened to be in just the right position for skewering. 

            "Okay, so Kazuma said that all I had to do was jab it in, and that was that. Sounds simple enough. Just hope my hands don't start shaking," she mumbled to herself, taking one of the obsidian pins from a pouch on her belt. With a hasty prayer and little else, Shizuru stabbed the black pin in the little hollow behind the prince's ear, where the flesh yielded under one's touch. Kurama let out a cry of pain, clawing frantically at the place where she had pricked him, but this only served to set the pin further. Satisfied that her work was done, Shizuru leapt from the open window, rappelled down the castle wall, and ran off into the night. 

            Hiei burst into the room, katana drawn, eyes burning. "Kurama!"

The prince was sobbing, clutching at his neck, howling incoherently. The fire demon's blade fell to the carpet for the second time. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. He stepped forward slowly, hands outstretched, trying to calm the hysterical fox-spirit.  

            "No!" Kurama screamed. "Stay away from me! Get away!"

Hiei was dumbstruck. "Kurama? What is it? That bitch, she did something to you, didn't she?"

Kurama screamed again, fists clenched around the silk sheets. "Get _away, _Hiei! If you care about me at all, Hiei, you'll run, now GO!"

There was absolutely nothing he could do but run. And as much as his gut instinct told him that he should stay, that the Infamous Jaganshi Hiei ran from nothing, Kurama's shrieking pleas that he leave overpowered it. A lone tear fell from his bitter gaze as he quietly and solemnly left the room, solidifying into a sharp, black crystal that pattered as it hit the floor, a priceless Hiruseki. 

            _("This is scary, I don't like this anymore!"_

_            "Hey, every story has to have a scary part in it. Don't worry, it'll get better.")_

++

            Shizuru returned to Yusuke and Kuwabara's cave hideout just as it began to rain. 

            "Hey, assholes, I'm back," she announced, lighting up yet another cigarette. The witch and the swordsman looked up from their game of Go Fish inquisitively, and also scowling from the secondhand smoke that they happened to be choking on. 

            "So? Did you do it?" Yusuke asked, picking another card from the Fish pile. 

Shizuru exhaled a plume of smoke. "Yeah, I did it. Walked right into his room while he was sleeping, stuck the pin in, and left. What the hell do those things do? I could hear him screaming halfway to the parking lot."

Kuwabara shrugged. "Dunno, don't care. Hey, you know what this means, don't you, Urameshi?"

            "Yeah, I do," Yusuke replied, going into the back room. 

He returned a moment later with a large, _large _glass bottle and a handful of shot glasses. "SAKE FOR EVERYONE! WHOO-HOO!"

The three 'villains' poured themselves some shots, toasting the fall of the handsome and charming Kurama. Because, apparently, without Kurama around, there was nobody to 'threaten' Yukina and Keiko, or their 'turf' for that matter. 

            "KANPAI!" 

So they spent the rest of the night getting completely wasted. Wait until they wake up tomorrow, what a hangover they'll have! 

++

            Hiei had fallen asleep sitting up against the wall outside of Kurama's room. He'd run, as the prince had asked, but he'd not betrayed his instincts and left the castle completely. In fact, he had stayed awake most of the night, listening to the prince's tortured cries, knowing that it was his fault for not protecting the redheaded boy that he'd come to l…lo…he couldn't actually say 'love,' fierce demons didn't _love _anything. He only just fell asleep half an hour ago, and now that Kurama's room had grown absurdly quiet, he was wide awake again. He needed to know if the prince was all right, or if he'd died sometime in the night. Besides that, he'd left his katana on the floor. 

            Hiei kicked in the door…though he really felt like timidly and fearfully peeking in and then slowly advancing…gazing into the darkened room steely-eyed. Other than the bedcurtains being torn to ribbons, the fine sheets and pillows thrown about, and the ever-present vase of roses knocked from the vanity, the room was in fairly decent shape. Hiei had expected it to be in shambles. 

            "Kurama? Hey, you stupid fox, it's morning. Time for me to kill you, eh?"

A pair of eerie golden eyes flickered in the darkness as a deep chuckle resounded in the otherwise deathly silent room. "Kill me? You really think so?"

Hiei was thrown against the wall, his head slamming backwards with a violent force that set his ears ringing. Rubbing the throbbing spot on his scalp, he stared blearily up at his attacker. 

            "You're a pathetic, worthless fire demon and you've no use to me. Why are you even here?" that same dark, throaty voice asked. No figure had come into view yet. 

Hiei growled, fangs glinting in the faint light. "Where is Kurama, son-of-a-bitch?"

A very tall figure in white stepped forward, the owner of those evil-looking golden eyes. Long silver hair flowed to his waist, curling around silver fox ears and a long, bushy tail. It was a _real _youko, a real and very dangerous one, obviously. He licked his teeth, grinning cunningly. 

            "Stupid demon, _I _am Youko Kurama. And you have three seconds to get out of my sight before I kill you and eat you for breakfast," he informed the half-koorime. 

Hiei dove for his katana, still lying in plain sight. His hand closed around it and he rolled, crouching, blade glittering. "You aren't Kurama, you can't be. Kurama isn't a coldhearted bastard like you."

            "You really _are _stupid! That's so sad. There is no other Kurama, only me. Now, unless you have a death wish, you'll get out of here. I really don't want bloodstains on my floor, they are so very difficult to get out."

The Jaganshi shook his head in disbelief. This heartless youko, his sweet and kindly prince? Nuh-uh, no way. Then he remembered Shizuru, and how much Kurama had been screaming. It was a spell, or something to that measure. After all, this was a fairy tale, and it is only proper that somebody is put under a magic spell. 

            "You listen and you listen well, Kurama. I'm leaving, but I'll return. And when I come back, you can be certain that I'll free you from whatever spell that moron Urameshi put you under. Got that?" 

Youko Kurama yawned. "Yeah, spell, right. Listen, fire youkai. I catch one whiff of you around here, and you're a dead demon, got that? I'll have you screaming for all of Makai to hear."

Hiei vanished, his after-image blurring in the air for a moment or two. The silver youko shrugged, walking over to the roses that had fallen to the carpet. With a wicked smile, he crushed the red blossoms under his foot. 

++

            There was only one place to go to that Hiei could think of, one person who could possibly help him out. And unfortunately for him, it was the one place and the one person he really didn't want to go see. Genkai, the most powerful sorceress anywhere, Reikai, Makai, or Ningenkai, was the sole person with enough power and knowledge to be of any use. However, she resided on the Isle of the Koorime, where the beautiful ice-demon Princess Yukina ruled. The problem was this: Hiei was her slightly elder brother (they were twins), exiled from the kingdom and stripped of his title because of his fire demon blood. Of course, this happens to be completely unfair because it isn't his fault his mom fooled around with a fire demon. 

            "But this is for Kurama," he reminded himself. "You vowed to help him."

This thought spurred him on faster, practically flying over the land until at last he reached the Isle of the Koorime. 

            Princess Yukina smiled kindly at him, her ruby eyes friendly. She didn't know Hiei was her brother; it was one of those conventions of traditional hero mythology that siblings of heroes are not informed of their familial relationship and twins are kept separated. 

            "Welcome to my kingdom, Sir Hiei. I have heard much about you, the fierce fire demon whose power and speed are unparalleled. What brings you to grovel at my knees?" 

Hiei frowned. "I do not grovel, Princess. I need the advice of that old hag Genkai."

The sorceress appeared at the green-haired girl's side. "Watch what you say, boy. You never know who might be listening. Now, what do you want?"

            "That idiot Yusuke Urameshi has put Kurama, Youko Prince of the Makai, under some sort of spell that has changed him for the worse. I ask on his behalf that you help him."

Genkai sighed, shaking her head. "I knew that apprentice of mine would do something moronic with his powers, the dunderhead. I don't know if I can help you, Hiei. But tell me, why would a fire demon such as you go to the trouble of seeking me out? I thought someone as ruthless as you wouldn't give two shits about anyone other than yourself. Why would you help this Kurama?"

            "Because," Hiei spat, "well...to be honest, I actually love the goofball."

Genkai blinked. "Oh. Fair enough, I suppose."

            "So? What do I do?" he asked impatiently. "I can only imagine the trouble that silver bastard is causing in the kingdom while _my _Kurama is gone."

The old woman blinked in confusion. "I think before we do anything else, you better tell me everything you know."

And so Hiei told his story, from the witch Yusuke's jealous complaints to the part we just got finished with. Genkai just nodded and 'um-hmmm'-ed, while Princess Yukina took copious notes, scribbling furiously in a notebook. 

            "Seems to me like the brat used Makai Pins. All you have to do is find the pin and pull it out, and your prince will return to normal," the wise sorceress instructed. "But you'd better hurry. If that pin isn't pulled out within three days of being stuck in, Kurama will stay the way he is forever. And no amount of True Love or magic or even swift kicks to the head will undo what's been done to him."

Hiei nodded and hurried off without a moment's hesitation…and without a proper thank you, either.

++

            Getting back to Kurama's kingdom took longer than Hiei expected. He'd run into some old demon acquaintances of his who were dying to settle some scores. It seemed as though all of the Makai was out to delay him, and he couldn't help but wonder if somebody was trying to prevent him from getting back in time. 

            "I'd suggest Yusuke, but knowing him, he's probably assumed I'm dead and that's why he sent Kuwabara's sister with the pin," he muttered, slicing his way through another thicket and another demon hoard. 

            "Puu! Puu!" a sudden cry pierced the air. Hiei stopped for a moment, shook his head, and kept running. But the shrill cry became louder and more pervasive, until all the demon could hear was that obnoxious wailing. He stopped, whipping out his trusty katana once again. Stuck in a tangle of thorns was something that looked like a blue penguin with awfully long ears and a puff of black hair. 

            "You stupid little creature, I don't have time for this!" Hiei growled, cutting the penguin-creature loose nonetheless. The instant the little blue critter was free, it leapt into the air, transforming in a flash of light into a phoenix. It motioned for Hiei to climb aboard, and he reluctantly did so, fearing that some sort of demon stewardess would approach him and tell him where the exits were located and that, in case of a water landing, his seat cushion could be used as a floatation device. 

            "To Kurama's castle, and be quick about it!" he yelled. "Because otherwise, I'll be having Kentucky Fried Phoenix for supper tonight!"

The bird took off at an alarming rate of speed, breaking several sound barriers and a few poorly placed billboards along the way. 

            _("Would Hiei really threaten Puu like that?"_

_            "He already has. Actually, he used that 'Kentucky Fried Phoenix' line not long ago.")_

++

            Something wasn't right back at Kurama's place, Hiei noticed this as soon as he neared. The guards out front certainly weren't the usual lot. They were a whole lot nastier than Jin, Touya, and Renku, that's for sure. He leapt down, 'hn'-ed a thanks to the phoenix, and set off at a run for the castle. Though the guards were fierce and imposing, they were no match for Hiei. It was almost as if they had been waiting for him. They probably had been. 

            "So, you're back again. Didn't I tell you I'd kill you if I saw you again?" 

Hiei winced. Barely inside the front door and Youko Kurama was already upon him. He had hoped to at least make it to the throne room before such a confrontation. 

            "Kurama, listen to me. You aren't yourself, you don't know what you're saying."

The fox demon edged closer, claws looking about the right length and sharpness for ripping someone's heart right out of him. "I'm pretty sure I know exactly what I'm saying."

Hiei ripped off his headband, exposing his Jagan eye, trying to seek out that stupid pin. 

            "You don't want to kill me, Kurama. You love me, you dumb fox."

Golden eyes gave him a withering glare. "_Love _you? I would _never _love a pathetic little demon like you. I should have killed you the instant I saw you, had I known you'd get on my nerves this much."

The Jagan still hadn't come up with the pin; the fox-spirit's ki was just too pervasive. Hiei needed to keep stalling until he could find it…the only problem was, time was not on his side.

             "You love me," he repeated. "And I…love you as well, Kurama."

The youko's face softened for a moment. "Hiei…"

His pale and shaking hand pulled back a fistful of silver hair, and the handsome demon tilted his head enough for Hiei to see something small and black lodged in his neck. Hiei reached to pull it out, but Kurama batted his hand away, his expression growing cold again. 

            "Don't you try anything!" he snarled, pressing his hand against Hiei's throat, slamming him up against the nearest wall.      

            "Not so loud! Some of us are hung over!" a whining voice yelled from the throne room. Hiei's eyes flashed a fiery red. 

            "You let Urameshi in here?! And he's in the _throne room?!_" he choked out, trying once again to reach for the little black pin. Kurama's grip tightened, threatening to crush his windpipe. Hiei had to think quickly, but this wasn't exactly possible considering how little oxygen is getting to his brain right now. 

            "Kurama, _please,_" he gasped. 

            "Oh, so you're begging now? Begging for me to spare your life, is that it? Pathetic. Do you have any last words for me before I break your fragile little neck?"

The pain was incredible, enough to bring Hiei to tears. Little black Hiruseki stones bounced all over the floor. If he could just summon up enough strength to move his arms…

            _"YUSUKE URAMESHI, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" _a voice suddenly screamed out, followed by the sound of something large and metallic hitting a very thick skull. 

            "Jeez, Keiko!" 

            "You deserve it! Picking on Kurama like that, and then getting drunk?!"

Kurama was distracted for a split second, his grip loosening just enough for Hiei to take a very much needed gulp of air. He swung his legs up and kicked the silver youko squarely in the chest, knocking him back. With a furious battle cry Hiei tackled him, pinning the much taller and very squirmy kitsune to the ground, grappling with him until he could, at last, close his fingers around the head of the pin. 

            "No more of this stupid spell!" Hiei cried. "I'm getting my stupid fox back, and that's that!"

He wrenched the pin from Kurama's neck, blood bright as his own eyes spilling onto his skin, into the youko's silver hair and onto his white robes. He was screaming, clutching the wound as warm blood spilt through his fingers. 

            "And you're not going to die on me after all of this, either!" the fire youkai added, crushing the pin into fine dust. This, of course, caused the one obligatory giant explosion that always happens whenever Hiei is concerned with anything. 

            _("Does stuff really explode when Hiei's around?"_

_            "Yes. Usually it's anything Kuwabara was previously near.")_

When the dust settled, Hiei realized that the Kurama sitting on the floor, still bleeding…though the blood had slowed to a mere trickle now…was still the silver youko and not the green-eyed young man. Either he'd been too late, which was damn near impossible, or that old bat Genkai had lied to him. Stupid old woman. 

            "That's by far the closest you've come to killing me, Hiei. And all this time I thought you were just bluffing," the youko said, chuckling slightly. It was that same dark voice, but it seemed tinged with the gentler Kurama's tone. He blinked slowly, golden eyes now seeming to have a ring of green to them, a corona of emerald around his pupils.

            "Kurama?" Hiei asked warily, hand going to his hilt. "Can I be sure it's really you?"

            "Of course you can, you idiot," Genkai's gravelly voice informed him as she, Yukina, and Shizuru stepped in through a broken window. "I did some research into your prince after you left. He's been under two spells, really. There was the one my numbskull apprentice pulled, which rendered him devoid of all compassion, but there was also a previous one that trapped him in a human's body. This is the true Kurama, Makai prince."

            Hiei's mouth hung open. "Wha…how…when the hell were you planning on telling me?!"

Kurama shrugged. "I wasn't, actually. I'd gotten quite used to being in that body, you know. It was comfortable. But that doesn't matter, Hiei."

            "Yes it does, you idiot! I'm not staying here if you're going to look like that! You tried to kill me looking like that! Me! Jaganshi Hiei, Fire Prince of Youkai!"

Shizuru shook her head, lighting up yet another cigarette. "You'd think after all he'd been through, that boy would lose that attitude of his. Oh well. Point me in the direction of Kazuma, and I'll haul him home by the earlobe."  

            "Kazuma? Oh, I knew I'd forgotten something!" Yukina groaned. "I never rewarded him for rescuing me from that awful troll Tarukane!" With that, she ran off in search of the swordsman, the warrior woman not far behind.

Genkai's gaze shifted between the two demons, her piercing stare finally landing on Hiei. He regarded her with a venomous gaze. 

            "What are you glaring at me for, dimwit? I told you, pull the pin out, he returns to normal. You got what you wanted."

Hiei bared his fangs. "What I wanted was for Kurama to go back to the way he was!"

            "Yes, and that _is _the way he was…about a thousand years ago."

Kurama got up off the floor, wracking his brain to recall what he did with his usual host of guards and what to do about the copious amount of blood on the floor. Best to let Genkai and Hiei sort things out.

            "You know what I meant, you vile little witch!"

            "Oh, and I suppose the other demons in the Makai are going to just leave you be? Dating a fluffy little human prince? Much better to be seen with an actual youko, you know. Better for your reputation."

            "I don't give a damn about reputation! I want my Kurama back, hag! Now change him back or I'll give you a taste of dark dragon you won't soon forget!"

All right, Kurama decided, he'd let them fight it out long enough. He calmly minced over to Hiei, grabbed him by the collar, lifted him up with hardly three fingers, and gave him a smoldering kiss. 

            "As much as you're going to hate hearing this, Hiei," he said, "you saved my life. And for that, I am forever grateful. If there is anything within my power I can do to repay you…"

Hiei growled, grabbing a handful of silver hair, grinning when he noticed strands of crimson laced through it. "You can shut up and kiss me again, you ignorant kitsune. Or didn't you hear?"

            "Hear what?" Kurama asked coyly. 

            "I love you, stupid fox."

The Makai prince smiled sweetly. "And I you, temperamental little Jaganshi."

++

            "And so," Botan sighed, pulling the ferry-girl's covers up to her chin, "Hiei and Kurama lived happily ever after. But Yusuke and Kuwabara didn't, because after Keiko and Shizuru finished beating the ever-loving daylights out of them, and they got over their massive hangovers, the two youkai princes came and got their revenge. It wasn't pretty. Plus Genkai dragged Yusuke home by the nosehairs for more training. Oh yes, and Hiei was still determined to kill Kurama someday. The end. So what did you think?"

            Himawari said nothing, snoring lightly. Botan frowned, having half a mind to kick the girl awake and ask her opinion. However, she realized that if she did this, she would have to put the girl back to sleep and the whole thing would start all over again. Several of the other ferry-girls were sitting on their beds, staring at their superior, as they'd been listening in on the story as well. 

            "Botan, that sucked."

            "Really, what kind of shitty storyteller are you? A bisexual Prince Charming, witches getting plastered, getting advice from a cat and a ningen. That's the most ridiculous bullshit I've heard of in a long time."

Botan rubbed her forehead. "Too bad I wasn't making a lot of it up," she mumbled. The blue-haired harbinger of death excused herself from the bunkhouse, deciding she needed a stiff drink and/or several pints of ice cream. 

            "You _do _know what happens to little ferry-girls who tell lies, don't you?" a scathing voice asked from deep in the darkness. Botan jumped half a mile. 

            "Don't _do _that, Hiei! You almost gave me a coronary! What are you doing skulking around here, anyways? Shouldn't you be sleeping in some tree or stalking some family member or something?"

The Jaganshi glared at her, carmine eyes glittering eerily in the darkness. 

            "For your information, Mother Goose, I'm seeing to it that Kurama makes it back to his little ningen house unharmed…which is more than I can say for you."

Botan grimaced. "What do you mean?"

            "Let's just say that if you go around telling fairy stories revolving around my love life again, you won't be living happily ever after."

And with that, Hiei was gone, as if he'd never been there in the first place. 

            As for Botan, she decided that no rum swizzle was worth encountering Hiei again, and went back into the bunkhouse, where she promptly climbed into bed, pulling the covers all the way over her head. And did she live happily ever after? Not in this lifetime, baby. Less than ten minutes after the petrified river-pilot had fallen asleep, a plaintive cry roused her once more. 

            "Botan, I can't sleep! Can you tell me another bedtime story?"

++

The End

++

            I can't think of anything to say, for once. Um…oh shit, I've got nothing. Anyone wish to add any comments? Kuwabara? Koenma? …No, Hiei, 'Jaoh Ensatsu Kokuryuuha' is not an acceptable way to end a fanfic. Oh, whatever. Hope all of you happy readers enjoyed the fic, it's the reason I've been neglecting my lengthy Gundam epics for the past month…no, Hiei, you can't threaten the audience. Yes, I know, death comes before surrender and the Jagan is open and angry…but that's your usual next episode narration. This is the end. There's nothing else after this. Somebody want to find Kurama and drag Hiei out of here? Please?


End file.
